Purpose Archives -

May 6, 2021May 6, 2021Adoption, Dreaming, Identity, Motherhood, Purpose, Racial Healing

Wokeness has Invaded Adoption

This is what holding a harvest of joy looks like. You can’t see in my face all the emotions that come into play here. I was exhausted after waiting years for our Hadassah to join our family. I had carried this dream in my heart for roughly 10 years before she was born. Have you ever been pregnant with a dream for a decade? It’s exhausting to keep hoping, praying, and never give up even when it looks hopeless. In this moment the Lord spoke to me, “it’s all worth it.” This is the face of joy, peace, and love. This daughter I had seen in my dreams for years and had wondered if she would look like that, I was now holding. Her heart beating next to mine. This is what fulfilled promise looks like.

I found out today that one of the largest adoption agencies in our nation, Bethany Christian Services, the agency that completed our home study, now wants to make this kind of adoption a thing of the past. Essentially they have bowed to the “woke” culture and decided it would be better for black children to languish in foster care waiting for a black family to adopt them than to be placed in the loving home of a white mom and dad. I’m not even mad about this development. I should be furious, instead, I’m incredibly sad. A sense of deep, gut-wrenching sadness washed over me at this news. Our home study agency, the one that wrote such amazing things about our family and our ability to care for our children has now decided that black children should not be raised by white parents.

God Places the Lonely in Families

When I read this story in Newsweek today (which I will link in the comments). My heart sank. Immediately I thought of the many biracial families I know personally. Many of them are white Momma’s and Daddy’s who have welcomed black children into their home. I’ve seen with my own eyes these children grow and thrive in the love and care of their white mom and dad. Psalm 68:6 says, “God places the lonely in families; he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy.” How we’ve seen this lived out in our own family! In God’s eyes, we are all His precious children. God has built our family and I am thankful for the kaleidoscope of colors in each of my children. How boring it would be if we were all exact copies of each other!

My verse while waiting for Hadassah was Psalm 126:5-6 Those who sow in tears WILL reap a Harvest of Joy. (paraphrase mine). God showed me her face in dreams multiple times, and years before she was born. Don’t tell me for a second that it’s a mistake she is part of our family! Her birth mom chose us to raise her, but long before she was even conceived God choose us to be her parents. He prepared our hearts and even gave me glimpses of what she would look like to confirm His promises. Now, this agency which holds the keys for many families in their adoption journey is closing those doors. It’s a shame to base adoption on race in any way! The needs of the child and if possible the wishes of the birth mother should be the #1 factor in adoption decisions.

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January 2, 2021January 2, 2021Following Jesus, Identity, Purpose, Uncategorized

Out with the Old, In with the New

Today we begin a new year. A lot could be said about 2020, a few words to describe it are challenging, hard, difficult, sad, joyful, slow, and full of breakthrough. The word “breakthrough” may not seem like it fits in that list, but it does! And Here’s why; before 2020 even began, I felt the need to ask for encouragement from the Lord. I am glad I did. Prior to December of 2019 I had never asked God for a “word for the new year”. I was soon to find out, this was the year I would need one! I am thankful I had this phrase throughout 2020 because it became a sure foundation during the many times I felt like I was on shaky ground. This phrase and the scripture that went with it brought me through many trying seasons throughout the year.

Impossible Breakthrough

My theme for 2020 was The year of Impossible Breakthrough. My idea of what this would look like was a lot different than what reality had in store for the year. To start, In December of 2019, I turned 40. It’s a big milestone in life to have reached 40, and it felt hugely significant to me. There are several Biblical examples of great change and breakthroughs coming to pass after a period of forty days or even forty years! So naturally, I felt God was speaking of this type of breakthrough. After Moses led the Israelites through the wilderness for 40 years, they crossed over into the promised land. In many ways, I was expecting this kind of breakthrough moment this year. Although there were some big victories and hard-fought battles won in prayer during 2020. It was not the kind of overwhelming breakthrough I was hoping for.

2020 was challenging and stretched me in numerous ways. Change seemed to be the only constant throughout the year. Even little things upset my apple cart. Like the time Wal-Mart changed their store hours, and I felt like I had been betrayed by a trusted friend. Wal-Mart had always been there, even if it was the middle of the night, but not anymore. Now they closed at 8:00 pm and if I needed something at 9:00 I would have to wait until morning. How could they do this to me? What if I need something after I put the kids in bed? Now what? Now what? became the question of the hour for much of 2020. This year was full of shifting and changes. I was looking forward to a crossing over into a promise, instead, I kept changing course and turning in what felt like endless circles.

Shift

An unwillingness to bend and embrace change stunted my growth for much of 2020. Every time things did not go as planned I was ready to throw the whole planner in the trash. Thankfully, I restrained myself. I have no idea what 2021 has in store. But I know this, God is faithful to His promises and He keeps His word. I may interpret His word incorrectly, or get impatient and think that things should happen in my timing. This is a fault in me, not Him. If I’ve learned anything in 2020 it is that I place far too much trust in myself, and not enough in almighty God.

What are you carrying into 2021? I highly recommend spending some time this month asking and seeking God about what your word or phrase and accompanying scripture is for you this year. One year ago I had no idea how much benefit this can provide. Today I can say with certainty, you need to know what the word of the Lord is for YOU, for this year. I wish I had a magic formula or a worksheet to make it easy. I don’t, and that’s because this is a highly personal time between you and God. There are times we just need to be still and allow the Holy Spirit to speak to us. This revelation can come through a passage of scripture, a dream, or through a message from your pastor on Sunday morning. After you receive it, ask God to confirm it through another source. What God speaks will always align with His word. He will not contradict Himself.

Crossing Over

This is what I’m carrying into 2021:

Trust in God’s faithfulness.

He has been faithful

He will be faithful.

I waver and waffle. I get disappointed and easily give up. My thoughts and emotions deceive me and can not be trusted. I must lean into and trust in God alone! He must be my rock.

Here’s to a new year with fulfilled promises. My promise from God for 2021 is: this is the year of fulfilled promises. I am placing no other requirements on the year, or on God (as if I could make such demands). He makes promises and He fulfills His promises. 2021 is the year of fulfilled promises. Whatever promises He chooses to fulfill. And therein lies the difference. Although, it looks subtle on the surface, when you look deeper this is a huge shift. I am choosing to trust in God and not myself.

As we transition into a new year, I will be spending the month of January focusing on resting and leaning on my beloved. 2020 has left me tired. My natural response is to deny that and fight it. What I’m learning is that He is the only one who can restore and refresh. Admitting I need Him to restore and refresh is foundational to everything else I am called to do and accomplish this year. So, Happy New Year! Go in the confidence you can only have as a child of the Most High!

Here are some of the scriptures I”m leaning on in this New Year for encouragement and refreshing, I pray you are blessed and encouraged by them as well.

Rest: Isaiah 40:26-31, Isaiah 41: 1,10, and 17-18

Then,

Run: Hebrews 12:1-3 This year I’m asking God to help me become a “long distance runner” …….Stay tuned, More on this in the next blog.

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March 13, 2020March 13, 2020Adoption, Dreaming, Purpose

Livin’ the Dream, Literally!

Livin’ the Dream is such a cliché. In general, I despise clichés. I remember a children’s literature class I took in college and the professor was so opposed to clichés that she told us upfront if we used them in our papers she would automatically give us a zero on the assignment. Ouch! That’s harsh. Maybe my dislike of clichés goes back to that experience.

So how in the world did we choose what is perhaps the biggest cliché of all time as the title for my new book? It’s a funny story actually, and the title came out of a completely unrelated conversation between my husband and me.

This message of dreaming with God has been burning in my heart for several years! After we adopted and brought home our dream of a daughter that God had been showing me for over a decade in dreams in the night, my husband said, “You need to write a book.” I think in the beginning I just thought he was tired of me sharing all the insights I was getting from God on dreaming. As time went on, however, and I started the writing process there was so much to share. When I sat down that first day to write I really wasn’t convinced there would be enough for a full book. I thought maybe I can just write a blog post or an article. This is only going to be enough to fill a small pamphlet, not a book! Amazingly to even me, as I set my heart before God and asked, “What do you want to share with Your bride?” The words flowed and before I knew it, I had written nearly 40,000 words.

The writing came easy because this message had been building in my heart for so long it wasn’t difficult to get the words on paper. The title, however, was a struggle! For about 2 years I had a “working title”. I didn’t love it, but it was all I had. I actually shelved the book for almost a year because I didn’t have a title I felt adequately expressed the message of the book. During this time I began asking God to give me a title. If this truly was a message He wanted me to share with the church, I wanted the title to be a good representation of that. So for almost a year, I asked God, show me what the title should be. Give me a dream, scripture, anything! I was beginning to feel a tad desperate while at the same time wondering why I ever bothered to start writing in the first place. A book without a title isn’t going anywhere.

Then one day my husband and I were driving home from a wedding. We were just talking about life in general, the kids, what commitments and activities we had that week. When out of nowhere he said, “You are living your dreams.” I kind of laughed and said, “yeah literally!”. It only took a moment for me to realize that’s the title of my book.

When I say I’m “Livin’ the Dream”, I don’t mean it in the same way as most people. For most people, it is nothing more than a cliché. They will sarcastically joke about a hard job that they don’t enjoy and say, “I’m livin the dream.” It’s cliché and sarcasm. When I say it, it’s not cliché. I mean it literally. I have had dreams in the night where God showed me glimpses of His plan for our family years before those plans came into being. Today, I am living in the reality of those dreams. My greatest hope and prayer through this project is that those who read the book will be encouraged to pay attention to the dreams in the night. That they too will experience what it is to live your dreams. Not just your dreams of things you desire, but that thing you were created for. The plans and purposes of God for you. He formed you in your mother’s womb and set a purpose for you before you took your first breath. Grab hold of those dreams, and experience the joy and fullness of living in purpose.

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February 19, 2020February 29, 2020Calling, Identity, Name Meaning, Purpose

Who Are You?

I’ve been asking this question a lot lately. Maybe it’s a mid-life deal? I don’t know. Regardless, I”ve found myself asking, “who am I”? I am a wife, mother, sister, aunt, intercessor, ministry leader, writer. None of these descriptions really seems to sum up who I am. I do all those things, but they don’t define me or my purpose. I’ve always been interested in name meanings. Each of my children have interesting, unique or unusual names. For each of them, their names were chosen deliberately. Some were chosen because of a specific meaning we wanted to speak over them. Others were chosen because God highlighted a verse in His word to us while I was pregnant. Our youngest was given a name that God showed us about 9 years before she was born. We knew the name was for her and we reserved it, even though there were other children who were born in those nine years. We held that name for her. It holds a great deal of meaning even pointing in some ways to her destiny.

Names are important. Each time I speak my children’s names I’m declaring something over them. My oldest Son’s name is Tadao. It’s Japanese, it means “Gentle Warrior”. When I was pregnant with him and we began seeking the Lord for a name we felt impressed by the Holy Spirit that our son would be a worshipping warrior, much like King David in the Bible. He would be a worshipper, but he would also know how to war, and his worship would be warfare. I’m only beginning to see the fruit of this name choice. For sixteen years every time I speak his name I am declaring over him, “you are a worshipping warrior”! It’s a powerful declaration.

Until very recently I felt a negative connotation over my own name and it’s meaning. Melissa means, “honeybee”. I embody this name meaning well. I am always working on something, moving from one thing to the next. A busy worker Bee, describes my personality well. Why is that a bad thing, you may be asking. I’ve grown up in church and throughout childhood when I was taught the story of Mary and Martha I was always told, “be like Mary, because she chose the better thing”. The better thing being, sitting at the feet of Jesus. I have a hard time sitting and just soaking in Jesus’ presence. I’ve been led to believe this is a negative. That to be a good Christian, one must sit, and be still with Jesus. In practical terms this looks like long extended quiet times, getting up before dawn to have that time with the Lord before the distractions of the day. In heart terms it looks like years of guilt carried on my back because my best quiet times happen while I’m working. As a busy mom, the kitchen sink is one of my most visited prayer rooms. I have had quiet times in the laundry room while moving a load from the washer to the dryer. I’ve worshipped Jesus extravagantly while mowing the lawn (yes, I’m fairly certain my neighbors think I’ve lost my mind sometimes). A “quiet time” doesn’t have to be done while sitting.

I was talking with a friend recently about name meanings and she asked, “what does Melissa mean?” I scoffed as I replied, “honeybee, and I hate it”. I explained why, and then she preceded to shed light on why I was wrong. She informed me that honeybees’ are hard workers, they communicate with each other by dancing, they work together with each member doing their task to benefit the whole hive, and they make honey. This sweet liquid is the result of their work. Without Honeybees’ hard work pollinating, the world would be void of many flowers, fruits and vegetables because these plants require a pollinator in order to produce a harvest. This idea that being a honeybee is a positive has really shifted my entire viewpoint of who I am in light of my name meaning and calling in life. As I dug into this concept a little more and began to do research on my name I quickly discovered another version of my name that caught my eye. According to https://themeaningofthename.com/melissa/: “In Ireland it is sometimes used as a feminine form of the Gaelic male name Maoilíosa, which means “servant of Jesus”. Wow! All this time I’ve been thinking of the serving of Martha as a negative, but this meaning has brought a new perspective.

What if, when Jesus said that Mary had chosen the better way, what He was really saying was that her attitude was better than Martha’s? After all, someone has to prepare and serve the food. Someone has to clean up after the meal, and someone has to make the guests feel welcome. I propose Martha was doing all these things because that was her role in the home at that time. The problem was not that she was serving Jesus instead of sitting at His feet. I suspect the problem was that she was doing it with the wrong heart. Jesus is after our heart.

Who are you? Are you more of a Martha, or a Mary? Are you a busy worker bee, or are you content with the calm peaceful times at the feet of Jesus? The challenge is not to be something that we were not made to be. The challenge is to live our calling and serve Jesus with a pure heart. Not jealous of someone else’s calling. Martha complained to Jesus and asked Him to tell her sister to get up and help her. Mary was doing the better thing, not because Jesus didn’t value the hard work of Martha. Mary was doing what was better, because her heart was in the right place. The better thing is to serve Jesus. If that looks like spending hours in your prayer closet listing out all your neighbors and friends and lifting them up to God, do that! If that is taking a meal to a sick friend, do that. If that is offering a listening ear to a grieving neighbor when you’re out walking the dog, do that. Serve Jesus! As Christians we are all called to honor God with our lives. That’s who you are. You are a Christ follower, so live in such a way that your life points others to Him.

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February 18, 2020February 29, 2020Christian Walk, Following Jesus, Identity, Purpose

A Look in the Mirror

The day it happened took me completely by surprise. I was in my early 30’s and I woke up one morning and looked in the mirror and my first thought was, “who’s that?” at the sight of my own reflection. In that moment I had an epiphany. I was an adult, happily married, mother of six amazing children and by all accounts I should have been completely content with my life. Yet, I felt somehow like something was missing. I saw my own face in the mirror, but I felt as if I didn’t know the person looking back at me. Maybe it was the sudden realization that my 20’s were over. Maybe it was the fine lines and tired eyes that did it. Whatever it was, I didn’t like it.

I started to think about my life, where I was, and how it was so very different than what I had planned when I married my husband as a 20 year old. Looking back I can see just how young we were, but at the time we felt that we couldn’t wait one second longer to start our lives together. I have no regrets. I married my high school sweetheart. It’s been mostly smooth sailing, but it’s not been anything like I planned.

When I was planning my life out as a 20 year old, I had many grand ideas and lists about how things would be. None of those things have materialized. In some instances, this has been really hard to grapple with. My plans included finishing college, working for a few years before having children, traveling without children, enjoying married life, then children (only 3), back to a career, and putting all the kids in public school. Boom, bam, done! Out of those plans, exactly one thing went sort of how I planned it. I did finish school. It took longer than I planned, and I had 2 kids by the time I was done, so even in that goal, I didn’t exactly reach it the way I had hoped I would. Isn’t that how life goes though? Rarely do things turn out exactly as we plan.

I’ve come to grips with the fact that God’s ways are not my ways, and His thoughts are not my thoughts. Realizing this truth hasn’t necessarily made me any less prone to try to make things go the way I want, but at least I’m learning that His ways are better. My plans included 3 children and a career. God’s plans were so different, but so much better than I could have hoped or imagined. After years of resisting, I finally gave in and surrendered to His ways. My life and our family has been made richer because of it.

This journey of life reminds me of the poem; “The Road Not Taken” by Robert Frost.

” Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”

In life, Choosing to follow where God leads will often take us down the “road less traveled”, but going that way will make all the difference. Had I chosen to continue to ignore God’s leading and stay on the well-traveled path (the one I originally planned to take); I know four people today who would have never been born. That would have been a tragic loss.

Frost, Robert. “The Road Not Taken.” Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken and Other Poems unabridged, edited by Appelbaum, Stanley, Dover Thrift Editions, Dover Publications, 1993, pp. 1.

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